Verbatim 03.08.2016

There's this saying I've had in my head for a while, "Looking at two dice and wondering if they rolled another way." The rest is going to be kind of emo, or may contain heart-on-my-wrist-itis.  Whatever it is a night out seeing wonderful people has coaxed me into this, love is something I hold dear, with tremendous people, but believe it or not, tremendous is a fine line to walk on. 

I feel emotionally I'm a coward. I don't despise it but I don't like how often I look back at if something had gone another way. What if I went to another university [no clue], what if I had become an RA [maybe I wouldn't have traveled abroad], what if I had proposed to someone [there'd be a bullet lodged in my skull if that had happened]? 

As you get older you become aware of this invented math clock that a buddy, Papa Pyles, introduced me to; add eighteen to your age. Some people  don't like to think of it but at 32, if you have a kid you'll be 50 when they graduate. That scares me a lot. When do I transition from this do-it-all dad to an old man? I haven't a clue, but you see many walks of life. 

Looking at my clock I'd have less than 6 years left to have my own child. THAT SCARES TEN THOUSANDS FUCKS OUT OF ME. Not because I'm getting old but the world is getting shittier. Having been to India, I don't want that in a country I grew up in turns into a shit hole. I've read countless books and the anthropology book I read 6/10 of  hit home. I doubt it was even related to anthropology but you can find meaning in a sonnet from 400 years ago you can interpret whatever you want. I had this ideal that I'd be the giver of the great grandfather at one point in my life because I was thinking about other people, not me. I wasn't ready for a kid, or even a plant. 

Back to the dice though: there were countless times I simply looked another way, it might not have even been an idea, GOT  and The Stand run things.It's just how far you and much you want to deal with. 

Then I just heard this accent that took the pressure and the edge off of Europe and South America voiced an interest. I think, if I went to jail I'd cut ties as fast as I could. You never know when you need a quick out. 

He fled to the point a dockboy I didn't really care, I was chasing one girl, then pinned ideas in the amateur place way if he didn't bring in shitty porn  

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Well I don't know what happened, but I woke up in my bed with a half glass of bourbon and melted ice next to my computer. Still drunk, I like what I wrote mostly because it doesn't give away too much. Obviously some it doesn't make sense but you're just going to have to deal.